Today went by fast. IT's hard to believe that this morning I was at the fountaing under Burnside bridge at the Saturday Market. It's weird that on THursday that same aria was used to serve others. But this morning it was full of vendors and people fulfilling their own desires. I;ll be honest, I enjoyed looking around and stuff, but my heart was pulling me towards the homeless whow ere begging on the sidelines. Last night during our debrief, Ryan said, "I'm glad to know that the work is being carried on." I totally agree. My place this week was to help those already helping the homeless and I am happy to do that.
I don't want to be another person who is 'in and out' of street kid's life. And the people who are serving now are long term. That's comforting.
I feel a lot of different things about the trip. And I'm glad that God gets glory no matter how I feel. This trip just wasn't like the last one. And I'm sure that's okay, I just need time to process it.
I already miss Jan and Gary and Judy and the camp. I miss breakfast with Jared. I pray that we were a witness to Jared and Germaine and DJ.
I learned a lot about myself. I learned that I'm a leader, but sometimes I need to let others step up. I learned that even when I have something to add, my point of view isn't always necessary to share. I learned I'm mostly despinsationalist and not completely reformed. I learned what it means to be honest with myself. I had so many good conversations with Brandon and Shawn and Ryan. I learned that God provides rest and I don't have to feel guilty for missing one quiet time if I can't keep my eyes open. And I rediscovered my enjoyment of the city of Portland. I rested in the fact that Jesus was by my side the whole time.
I don't know how this experience will transform me at home. I know it's time to step up even more as a servant and to love people where they are. I also know that it's okay to be blessed. But, where much is given, much is expected. Gary is a testament to that.
I'm ready to go spend some one on one time with my Father. I wish I would have spent more time in prayer this week. I think that was one of my downfalls. That affected me a lot.
Hopefully, it wasn't like that for the others.
Through all of my 'feelings' and 'thoughts', I know that I will never forget this trip and that God will have his way with what we did in Portland and in Battleground. I rest in that fact.
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